Drinking related jokes. (Read 409 times)

[chudz]

There are numerous versions of this joke around, but I enjoy telling something along the following lines, especially after a few beers.


So, there’s two old Irish guys out on a lake, fishing. Suddenly, one of them hooks something heavy and starts reeling it in. The other guy begins cheering him on, as his fishing pole is bending closer and closer to the surface of the water. It’s tough going for a minute or two. But with one last grunt of effort, he finally pulls his quarry into the boat, and they’re stunned. It’s not a fish at all, but a tangled mass of weeds instead.

They’re silent for a few moments, then the guy that reeled it in notices a glint of metal coming from within the mess and starts stripping away the soggy greenery. To both of their surprise, he uncovers an old fashioned, metal lamp. So, he picks it up and starts rubbing it off—hoping to get a better look at it. When Poof! A genie appears.

The two old Irish guys are now completely dumbstruck. The genie crosses his arms across his massive chest, and focuses his gaze on the man that reeled him in. “Thank you, master. For setting me free, I shall grant you one wish,” he says, and then assumes an air of servitude.

The guy that reeled him in thinks for a minute, and then begins to smile. “Well, Mr. Genie, for me wish, I’d like ye ta turn all tha waters of this lake inta beer.” And Poof! The entire lake has been turned into cold, refreshing, beautiful, tasty beer. The other Irishman glares at him for a few moments, and then Pow! He slugs him right in the mouth.

The first Irishman is like, “Now, what tha hell was that for?”

The second Irishman curses him. “Ye bastard! Now we ave ta pee in tha boat!”


Chudz

[thewookster]

[swampy]

This a a local joke.. Cajun (Louisiana French) vs Texans..

Boudreaux was sitting in the City Bar in Maurice, Louisiana, one Saturday night, and had several beers under his belt. After a while, he looked at the guy sitting next to him, and asked him, “Hey, you wanna hear a good Texan joke, you?”

The big guy replied, “Let me tell you something. I’m an oil field roughneck, I weigh 270 pounds, and I don’t like Cajuns. My buddy here is a pro football player, weighs 300 pounds, and he doesn’t like Cajuns either. His friend on his other side is a professional wrestler, weighs 320 pounds, always has a chip on his shoulder, and he likes Cajuns even less than we do, and we are all Texans. Do you really want to tell us a Texan joke ?”

Boudreaux, all 150 pounds of Cajun attitude, told him, “Mais, I guess not. After all I don’t want to explain it three times !

[chudz]

LoL!

[swampy]

An Englishman, Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together.

They each bought a pint of Guinness.

Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed
in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the
beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!

[thewookster]

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket.


He does this over and over again.


Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket.

The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."

[swampy]

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "sorry, we don't serve food"

The bartender then sends the horse to Tesco.



Management at Tesco tell horse that they currently have enough staff

[triode]

So a guy walks into the bar and orders five shots. The bartender says wow, having a bad night?

The guys says yeah, I just found out my brother is gay. The tender says, okay, drinks are on the house.

The next day the same guy walks in and orders five more shots. The bartender says, what happened now?

The guy says. Well today I found out my dad is gay too! The bartender says, okay the drinks are on the house.

The next day the same guy comes in and orders 10 shots. The bartender says COME ON! Doesn't anyone in your family like women?

The guy says, yeah my wife. Okay, drinks are on the house.

[daweed190]

two guys are drinking in a bar on the top of a skyscraper,
once guy1 is saying:
-I order a shot of whiskey, drink it, and then I jump out of the window and fly a circle and come back in, do it after me.
other guy replied:
- Prove it, then I do it too.
guy1 orders the whiskey, drinks it and flyes around the skyscraper, guy2 orders a whiskey and jumps out the skyscraper
but falls down and dies.
the bartender says:
-You know, you have a very twisted humor when you're drunk Superman...

[omek]

An american enters in a polish bar and says:

- I heard you poles are huge drunkards,
i bet 500 $ that noone of you will drink 1 liter of vodka in 1 sip.

suddenly, there was silence in the bar,
everyone was afraid to take up the bet,
one guy even stand up and quits the bar.

passed few minutes when the guy comes back and ask the american:

- is your the bet still valid ?
- sure, says the american and calls a liter of vodka from the bartender.

the polish guy concentrates for a second, take a deep breath,
and in 10 seconds of the liter of vodka, there is left only an empty bottle.

the american, incredulous pays his 500 bucks and tells the to polish:

- if you don't mind, can i ask you where did you went before ?

and he replies:

- i went to the bar next door to check if i could do it....